My field of paper flowers and candy clouds of long ago...

A smile, a tear, and a footprint.

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 16:14:33 GMT

For those we love, for those we've lost, and those we've not yet found.

We enjoy those with us, we miss yet celebrate those who cannot stand with us any longer, and we cross paths with the futures we have left to touch.

Live for today, smile with a tear at yesterday, and hope for tomarrow.

Blessed Be.

FOAMY!

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 20:26:53 GMT

In the words of the almight Foamy

"Someone should superglue your mouth to your butt to illustrate that you truely suck ass!!"

God, I love Foamy... Bless him and keep him so I may laugh a million lifetimes at the collective stupidity of humankind from the viewpoint of a squirrel.

*Embie smiles... then leaves*

If you haven't noticed - new episode of Foamy today.... Foamy's Rant V... watch it. Shorter than normal.... but funny and true.

~AJ

Dedications... all by BfS

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 21:14:58 GMT

Songs that make me think of people... My gifts to you.
(bound to piss of someone, or make someone laugh... either ay I win *BG*)

Dedication 1
"Self-Centered" from Bowling for Soup's Drunk enough to Dance album

[Pre Chorus:]
I think I'm taking a vacation now
I'm on holiday and maybe I won't rest
Until I've thrown it all away
Yeah I've got it down

[Chorus x2]
I'm gonna feel sorry for myself
I want to blame it on everyone else
I want to be self centered
And make everybody feel sorry for me

Dedication 2
"Last Rock Show" Also from Drunk Enough To Dance

Stand in line behind me
We've got tons of time to
Let it all hang out
And cast the demons out.

Once we're in the roof falls
I heard that we have got to raise it up
And let the fucker burn.

And this is sure to take awhile
But if we're going out, we're goin' out with style
So we all jump around, and we fall to the ground
Like it's the last rock show of our lives.

Dedication 3
"Hard Way" from same source

[Chorus:]
You know it seemed so simple before
She could have asked
I would have given her anything
And now it's 1, 2, 3
Blame it all on me
And I had to find it out the hard way

You need some therapy
I think you need some help

Dedication 4
For my sisters!!
"Punk Rock 101" by Bowling for Soup, Album unlisted

She works at hot topic
His heart microscopic
She thinks that its love but to him its sex
He listens to emo but fat mike's his hero
His bank account's zero
What comes next?

Same song different chorus

[Chorus:]
It's stupid, contagious
To be broke and famous
Can someone please save us from punk rock 101
My Dickies, your sweat bands
My spiked hair, your new Vans
Let's throw up our rock hands for punk rock 101

She bought him a skateboard, a rail slide, his knee tore
He traded it for drums at the local pawn shop
She left him for staring at girls and not caring
When she cried because she thought Bon Jovi broke up

Same song second chorus

[Chorus]

Don't forget to dely...on the very last word

Seven years later he works as a waiter
She married a trucker and he's never there
The story never changes, just the names and faces
Like Tommy and Gina they're living on a prayer

Did you just say that?
I said

[Chorus x2]

It's stupid, contagious (same song different chorus)
To be broke and famous (same song different chorus)
Can someone please save us from punk rock 101
My Dickies, your rock hands
My spiked hair, your new Vans
Let's shoplift some sweatbands for punk rock 101

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note: For anyone 18 and up.. Rocky Horrot TONIGHT at Oscar's Sports Bar (Connected to the Old Town Warren)DJ music by Peter Pixie starting @ 10, movie @ midnight.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Vixie Vulpine
~Le Chan / Phoebe
~AJ

Heart-stopping shit ahead!!

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 22:44:57 GMT

and no, I don't mean an Elvis-like excretion.. nasty little fucks!

In the recent past, Brent and I have been thrown together in more social situations than just fencing... like at Paige and Piper's new place. Since my sisters are mutual friends with my ex, and it is thier house - I can't really say I don't want him there. I have no right to do so.... SO, we have been politely (as possible) avoiding eachother, and me being the social Embie I am it is driving me NUTS! I know we had a bad fallout and alot of bad shit since - but we are going to be around each other more, so I believe it is going to be in the best intrest of multiple people if he and I can be civil.

So, here's the fun shyt.

(With a mediator) He and I are going to sit down and hash out any problems we have with eachother so we can have an aquaintance-ship at least... I have every intention on trying to build a base friendship with him. We have had a years worth of distance at least and my rose colored glasses (in regards to him) are gone.

Fate has put us in mutual proximity where we have to get along for the better of the whole. I plan on TRYING to make it so. Comments are welcome, even the "Are you fucking crazy" style ones... and if it doesn't work - then those close to me have every right to laugh in my face and say "We told you so." You have it in writting, I won't get pissed.

Destiny handed me lemons.. I'm giving them to my friend Mike to make lemonade out of so I can enjoy it.

On a totally different note:
I AM SOOO FUCKING SORE!! Back to back Pilates ans Tea Kwon Do fucked me up good - since we jumped right in. We worked on kicks stationary, traveling across the floor, and punches. I hurt in places I haven't felt hurt since Dance Nationals last year... and THEN some!! I'm not fighting tonight, I'll marshall, I'll be a general nusciance, but I'm NOT fighting.
And I'm prolly not hanging out either.. I ended up staying at the sisters' place and I need to go home - since I haven't slept thier since Thursday night.

Life is overall ok, despite some sticky buisness the past couple days - but it's all cool.

Hugs, loves, and Furry things...
~AJ

Stuff and things

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 14:23:19 GMT

Hay Raz,
Last night, I left my skull cap o safety pins over there last night - and I think my belly buttohn bar fel out over there cause I just woke up and it was gone and it was a little hard to get one of my other in. It's silver with a green crystal - if you could check or me I'd appreciate it more than you understand...
Thanks,
AJ

No death today!

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 23:40:56 GMT

For anyone who hasn't gotten the memo yet, fencing was cancelled. Just passing the word.
~AJ

Coincidence?

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 00:32:06 GMT

Two tornadoes through Africa that follow the same path not even a day apart, Earthquakes in the MiddleEast (i think), Tsunami's take out a huge chuck of sout Asia, and now Ice covers a decent portion of the MidWest with uberDamages..

We're only missing fire here people. can you tell me that humanity Didn't piss ouf mother Earth somehow and she decided it's time to stop playing nice - to atleast regain the balance?

If i'm just in conspiracy theory mode - let me know and i'll shut the hell up... but I've been thinknig about it for the past day or so being stuck in my house.

~AJ

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 10:17:27 GMT

Raziel,

Be cautious. We care for you. Think before you act. We want nothing but the best for you and everyone involved.

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 21:17:54 GMT

I got a new cell phone. Check your emails for the number, or harass me somehow if I accidently skipped over you.

~AJ

Holiday Bling...

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 17:10:57 GMT

I hope the holidays are treating everyone well, especially since this is the second holiday to lie on a most grievous anniversary. I have raised my goblet more then once in toast to absent friends this season.. I will linger on the topic no longer.

Gift giving and recieving has been good. Pammie-chan loved the cheshire cat music box I gave her... and I got a new phone as a present - so the money I saved to purchase it can go to the first payment... and my $50 gift from my deranged step-grandmother can go to me *BG* Pam also got me a Jade neckalce with a dragonfly.. It make me happy.

Just hugs, luvs, and furry things to all those around me.

I'm a happy Chan

~AJ

And a comical note..
"Raziel's out there... and he has a present for you. There are two things though...
One, you have to wrap it first.
and Two.... it's in his pants."
~A happy Jadeyn whispering to a Raven at work.
*Waves to Raziel and giggles*

In regards to Blackhearts

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 08:00:04 GMT

Hey,

Since we're having the tourney tomarrow(today... whatever), and it's close to the holidays (if that means anything)... I;m gonna garb up for practice. I've talked Stephie into garbing up too... Her brother is in town and he's coming dressed the same. I'm hoping to talk my fellow fencers into competeing in true renny fashion... in each translation of the phrase.

Pardon me.. I'm tired and horny. Just got done watching The secret life of swingers on MTv...

~AJ

Stupid Humans...

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 05:27:04 GMT

I spent most of the day making my truck driva-able. Didn't need a whole new tire - just a new rim.

I also talked to the insurance company today. Had to do a recorded statement. It all went well. I reported the damage and everything else... then she turned off the recorder and asked me a couple of questions based on his report.

He claimed. "Both cars had headlights on, andhe was halfway into the intersection when I pullled out."

Now, before I tell my peice of the story... think about this. The front passenger side of his car was thrashed... 1/2 the grill was gone and the lights on that side were done. My truck was dmamged above the back right wheel. NOW... if he was in the interesection BEFORE I pulled out - wouldn't he have hit my front....

"To Err is human, to be human is error." ~Torah.

HA! Not copyright bitch! I cited my osurce biznatch!

Well, I'm out... just wanted to ramble a bit.

Loves, Hugs, and Furry things...

BTW - for those who get this.. I go back to the doctor tomarrow night.

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 05:08:54 GMT

Humanity has always searched for the answers to three question, Who are we, Why are we here, and Where are we going. And if people keep listening to douchbag liars like you, then thier never going to find out the real answers. You not only lying, but you are slowing down the developement of all mankind.. You. Douche.

~Stan from SouthPark

Blah...

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 06:02:02 GMT

A BLUE Dragon Lies Beneath!

My inner dragon is the Water Elemental dragon. If there ever was a draconic example of a supple attitude, my inner dragon is it. Just sit back and go with the flow. *contented sigh* Click the image to try the Inner Dragon Online Quiz for yourself.

That was a random note...

Anyway, for the title. I got into my laptop and listened to some of my older music - as well as watched the AMV's I had on there... the ONLY sad/depressive Sailor moon video www.griffinstudios.cjb.net to the song This Isn't What We Ment. Here's a lyrics snippit

"Not long ago, when the world was pretty.
It started right here - in a different city.
Not going back anymore.
NOT GOING BACK ANYMORE!"

The words mean more to me now than they did in May... it sends conflicting emotions through me.

I need to check on Paige.. I hope she's doing ok. Neveah is just kicked back like "I almost feel sorry for the girl" The question is... which girl is she talking about? Paige or Tahlae...

Oh well.... prolly going to pop in some anime and watch it until I pass out.

Night,

~AJ

I think I'm starting to get the fucking hint!

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 15:19:01 GMT

My house is a fucking blackhole for happiness!

That, and I overslept - I should be in class. I PLANNED on going. Ya know what? I think I'm just going to fuck around all day agian. Enjoy this while it lasts cause WSU doesn't have to accept me next semester if I flunk out.

On a lighter note - My party that I was nervous about was the shit! How bad? Damien looked like he had a cheesegrater taken to him, there are pictures I don't remember - as well as a short series I will NOT allow to be published.

It was DAMN good.. I love my husband sooo much for being kewl with me going to a fetish party and being pawednibbledlickedkissedscratchedicecubedwhippedcreamed by other people of both genders and varying gender persuasions.
Math equaiton for you
Homosexual+Alcohol---(hot females)--->Bisexual
Product Bisexual+STRONGER alcohol---->Heterosexual, but this effect is proportinal only to the amount of alcohol present in both equations *BG*

Well, Heading for campus... then whereever, then fencing, then whereever, then the house to sleep.

Note - for those who don't know already, I was promoted to Lutienant last week *does a happy dance* I wish James could have been the one to promote me, but he has a mundane life that kicks his ass.. go him.

Also - Last night's Venture Brothers started with Brock as Rocky, Dr.Venture as Franky, and the boys as Riff and Columbia (forgve that I don't know thier names) I lost it! Raziel twitched in a bad way. It was beautiful!

Out, Otherside

~AJ

Quiz results and comments

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 18:01:26 GMT

The illusionist!

What was your job in a past life? (LOTS of results & Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

intersting. oh well. maybe it read this like it was my current incarnation...

I had trouble sleeping last night, everytimg I went to float... or enter REM sleep... I was being followed. I didn't like it at all.

Im toothy/Furry dellima might get fixed soon. Im trying to get the details work out in the science, back anf forth between my parents and Dorian.

My sissy is here.. I'm going. I need to talk to her.

AJ

Shiver with antici.....pation!

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 19:52:15 GMT

I'm all about an event I'm attending Friday night. It promises to be *interesting* to say the least. I'll post more about it after it happens. It just sucks that I have 10 am work Sat morning... ACK!

That's about it...
Also, saw a KICKASS movie last night. A Grammaton Cleric could own ANYONE's ass..... anyones!

A cookieto anyone who can identify that movie, except you Loryc cause you were there - nasty little cheat! *S*

~Everything Happens for a Reason
~AJ

Words I missed...

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 12:58:03 GMT

This is what happens when you find an old CD

Pearl Jam "I am Mine", from the Album Riot Act

The selfish, they're all standing in line
In faith and in hope to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

The North is to South what the clock is to time
There's east and there's west and there's everywhere life
I know I was born and I know that I'll die
Inbetween is mine
I am mine

And the feeling gets left behind
All the innocence lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide
We're safe tonight

The ocean is full 'cause everyone's crying
The full moon is looking for friends at hightide
The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied
I only know my mind
I am mine

And the meaning, it gets left behind
All the innocence lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide
We're safe tonight

And the feelings that get left behind
All the innocence broken with lies
Significance, between the lines
(We may need to hide)

And the meanings that get left behind
All the innocence lost at one time
We're all different behind the eyes
There's no need to hide

hmm...

~AJ

Randoma for toasts and friends...

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 06:47:51 GMT

Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems
that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of Promises that really speak to true friendship:

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well
again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask.
Because you are my friend.

And... a toast, passed onto me from my dear married friends Kiki and Jaime! The rest of the collective audience repeats after each line...

Here's to you,
and here's to me.
The best of friends,
we all shall be.
But if one day,
We shall part ways...
Then FUCK YOU,
and here's to me.

Loves and hugs,
~AJ

And now I know who you are / It wasn't that hard / Just to figure you out.

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 08:46:43 GMT

Preface: Viscious Honesty to follow
Jedo - I know you asked us to get along - but I'm not going to take unneccesary abuse for doing nothing but staying out of things and trying to stay neutral and "let people heal thier own way." No, It's over.

Now - Onto our regularly schedualed program.

Ya know, saying Jade is no longer a part of my life is jus as assinine as people telling you that Calliah is no longer part of yours. Your doing the same thing you hated others for... This is assuming I even talked to Jade regularly in the first place. I haven't heard from any of Tyler or Colt's others in a while. If I was claiming to talk to them on a daily basis, then yes - I would be full of shit. That was a useless claim. and if this goes into Jade and Jadalah - they have thier own life. I let them live it.

If we're going to let it all out, lets do...

1)Realize that yes, we know your suffering. We are suffering too. We all hurt really bad and I'm not going to say I'm in a worse situation than you because I know I'm not... but Jedo has it not that well either. Just fucking realize your not the number one victim here. This isn't ever talking about Colt and Tyler's parents and what they must be going through losing thier children... thier only child in Colt's case.

2) I didn't hate you or purposfully ignore you out of spite. The reason is this... Whatever fraction of healing I have been able to do is undone around you. Your depression opens up all the wounds I've been trying to recover from so I can live from day to day. No matter how people acted, including myself, we weren't and still are not over what happened. We, unlike SOME people, just don't want to drag the rest of the world down with us - so we keep our BAD moments to ourselves and behind closed doors. It's like airing your own dirty laundry. I'm not going to make it a prerequisite for everyone around me to be depressed or sorry for me because I'm still hurting. There is a difference between not being able to be happy and not letting yourself be happy.

and 3rd)
Let's not talk about not knowing what this is like. My mother is dying. I honestly don't expect her to make it to see me turn 21. I'm glad that how Tyler and Colt left was sudden... because knowing it's coming and not being able to do a damn thing about it is worse... much MUCH worse. *I am NOT happy that they are dead by any means, before anyone trys to throw any other nasty things at me if they chose to misread the previous statement*

~Everything happens for a reason
even this middle-school drama bullshit..

~AJ

Note: If Tyler never liked me, then why did he chose to confide in me and come to me for comfort when you fucked him over all the time?

More missings...

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 21:28:00 GMT

I relaized later Tues night thay my School backpack - with about $500 in textbooks and ALL my research was taken as well...

Just now - wanting a couple items.. I realized. I think my Tarot cards were in my bag (this is still in question), and for those who know what one is... my GRIMOIRE was in my bag as well! My dedicated Grimoire!

Whoever took all of this is going to have some serious fucking Karma to pay... I'll see to it.

Maybe listening to The Wall isn't helping my depressed/Angry mood either.

I hope the homicidal feelings go away before I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I don't need to get fired... I'm walking a very fine line still..

Today was alright, until I walk over this threshold... I want out.. with what kind of out to be determined later.

We'll see

~Everything happens for a reason...
I have to keep reminding myself more every moment...

~AJ

I'm not a happy herald anymore...

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 06:01:25 GMT

A fucking beautiful ending to a fucking beautiful day.

There is going to be some hell to pay at fencing.

I go to Sonic with Willoughby, Pam, and Steph after we get everything put back together at practice. I come back and my truck door isn't close tight.. that sent off the first lights. I then see my farie wings that had been at the back of my X-Cab between my seats. Warning 2...

My Purse (Crown Royal Bag), my Eppee, and my Shenai are missing. Someone fucking took them out of my truck. My helm and gloves were left in the damn passenger seat next to my purse! What the Fuck!!

I'm going to try and be polite about it next week - as not to go in like a ranting bitch, but a personal note for those who know... my pentacle was in my purse... the Moon phases one that Steve got me for Christmas/Handfasting present... Yeah. I'm a little distraught.

I called Jim right after I called the police. He knows, and whoever was at Villiage Idiot with him. Something is going to happen, legal or otherwise.

I just needed to get it out so I don't drag it with me too much. I have to go to Wellington early as fuck tomarrow to get a new liscence - and then to the base Thursday to get a new military ID

I'm going to bed... tomarrow better be alot better

AJ

Psycho-chitters Warning: Contains viscious rant... Veiwer descretion is advised

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 05:31:04 GMT

You think you have a bad day - then you drownd yourself in every Foamy cartoon in creation and all the bad things go away *S*

I like Secret Admirer... it makes me happy.

I've spent alot more time w/ Stephie recently, and it made me realize a few things. I miss being able to sit around and just bullshit about relationships and the meaning of life and why everything undefinable apparently has to taste like chicken... or lemon sugar... *Seagull moment* Anyway...

Not that I couldn't have that, I guess, but it seems hard to get into serious/non-serious shifting conversations that are interesting and unforced... I miss the 4 am sobering up philosophy discussions in the Living room over Ramen noodles, left-over beer and Jeager, and muted Adult Swim...

*Warning: Rant*

That, and I'm tired of people thinking I have no grounding in reality... that all I care about or live in is otherside. That's bullshit. Not wanting to spend time with me becuase I'm annoying or you hate me is one thing - but saying "Everytime she goes somewhere, that etherial shit comes up.." Fuck you! I've been biting this rant back for a little bit and since I hate starting scenes... especially in public, I have to resort to ranting in type where the target person will more than likely never see it since I think he stopped following my DJ when the stalking-fuckhead disappeared. DISCLAIMER: THAT IS NOT AN OPEN INVITATION FOR STALKER-FUCKERS TO START HARRASSING ME AGAIN.

That will only fuel it, now that I think about it... oh well... more email to delete.

Back to the bitching, If you think I have a reality issue - ignore me, or give me the card of a good psycho-therapist.. cause in all honesty - I probably could use a brain-squeegee... I know alot of other people who could benefit from a monthly mind-fuck too... just to clean out the cobwebs and suicidal tendencies and delusions of gradeur and all those other problem you and your emotionally unstable, controlling, flaw-projecting ASS think that everyone else has because you have to be above everyone somehow or in control of the general scene to feel confortable. Don't dictate other people's religions (or lack there of) and don't you fucking dare try to get involved whatever level of emotional bond my kindred siblings chose to engage in. You of ALL fucking people have no fucking right to tell others what a "healthy relationship" is, especially after the trainwreck of a romance life you carried on last year... Boy, was that a fucking Bermuda triangle without the kewl tour and t-shirts. Keep your god-damned opinions to yourself unless you can be constructive - or you can let it out in a place where people won't flip out *Loves and hugs on her DJ family and visitors who don't judge her for being pissed at stupid people*

I'm done. Off to smoke a stolen ciggy and finish some elderberry wine I smuggled upstairs.

And invest in a Kavorkian Scarf.... Good Christmas gift I think...

Good Times..

Neurotically Yours,
AJ

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 18:29:30 GMT

Waking up to a Ridley-dog and two kida... grumbles.

Working in reverse order.. I didn;t leave Officer's meeting until 4am last night. Karen and I talked for a good 3 hours about everything and anything.... gossip to past relationships to faith to current relationships... She was a kinky little bitch in her day. Also found out why SilverBrooke stays away from her house...

I also found out that the "messup" in my ceremony on halloween was actually the process working right - and I had just never experienced it so my physical body freaked out and locked up.

Damn cheking Jedo's journal.... Age of Paranoia is stuck in my head.

Tuesday night I jipped out on a sick sister and fencing to make a 2 hour dive to prove or debunk a haunted house. We went to Kiowa to what we had gotten leads to be an abandonded insane asylum...

From look, feel, and a document we found in the top floor bathroom dated Oct 19 1979... It had actually been an old folks home.

We were also in the wrong town, we were suppose to be in Anthony. Oh well...That adventure for another day. I was just excited that we got to be scientific and prove or disprove something.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Get to spend some SteveoTime.... then Sunday is going to be fun ... for the most part... I hope. I just hope Eric doesn't come to League... That might make uncomfy for my guest... Since ERIC KNOWS...

Sorry for the cryptoquip uptop... You'll get it if you need to.

Hey Jedo... Green Day is making a Rock Opera for thier new album! They were talking about it on T95 the other day. Thought I'd tell you incase you hadn't heard.

As for buisness, I'm getting a visual confirmation from my people so I have a set or locales. I more than likely won;t get the chance to check the red zone until tomarrow. I honestly didn't know if you would want to wait until light and dark of Sunday to go with me. lemme kow what you think.

Your report explains why I have trouble driving on that bridge. It's hard to breathe - especially in the after midnight hours. It's not only one bank this time.. it's the entirety of the river. Not Good...

Well, I'm going to finish eating my rice for lunch, get dressed, and go to class - then work.

~Everything happens for a reason...
~AJ

Jedo... Intel Report

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 06:53:10 GMT

The wave never made it up this far.

Amethyst and Beryl scouted out and moved along the river your direction and never encountered anything.

I know, it puzzles me too.. Like the wave knew to scatter. I don't like it either.

Just keeping you updated...

~AJ